The Best You Possible (And How To Get There)

“If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend the first four sharpening the ax.”

                                                                                -Abraham Lincoln

I love this quote by Abraham Lincoln. The man was a walking tweetable moment. I’ve chewed on this quote in the past, pondering how to best prepare myself for whatever challenges or opportunities that awaited me in the future. The more I’ve thought about this quote, the more I realize that its application needs to be much more focused that I had originally thought.

Trying to prepare for anything that might come in life can be really exhausting. There are so many possible challenges that the future might spring on us, that it’s hard to know how to best prepare.  We end up wearing ourselves out by trying to prepare for all possible outcomes. In the end we are tired, and still feel unprepared for whatever might lie ahead.

Once we realize that we can’t focus on everything, we often choose to focus on our weaknesses. Our weaknesses are always more visible than our strengths, often creating shame and doubt inside of us.  So, we frantically jump in and try to get better at things that we are no good at and probably don’t enjoy. The time we spend on weaknesses though is very often wasted time. We can spend hours and hours of work on something we are not good at. The reward we get for all of that hard work?  We are ok at something we hate doing. No thanks.

What if, rather than trying to become good at everything, we focused on the few things that we are already gifted in and passionate about? What if we sharpened the tools that we used the most and that we most enjoy? Time spent trying to improve in things we are passionate about is always more enjoyable and more productive. 

So, the question is: what gifting or skill are you actively sharpening? What passion or talent is it that makes you feel alive when you are doing it? Are you working to maximize those strengths? If not, how can you begin to “sharpen the ax” that you use the most?

You were made with a unique set of talents and skills. You have experienced a collection of moments in life that no one else has. You bring something to this planet that no one else can bring. So, instead of trying to be everything, why not just be you? Be the best you possible, and look for ways to grow in that every day. You'll never regret time spent "sharpening the ax".

How To Balance Contentment And Ambition

Extremes are almost never good. We all are driven to extremes at times. We hate some things and love others. We eat at the best restaurants on the planet or the absolute worst dumps around. Our trips to the beach are the best experiences of our lives and our setbacks are catastrophes that make the Titanic seem like a minor malfunction.

Not only do we explain our life in extremes, we react in extreme ways as well. School shootings make us want to ban all guns forever. Terror attacks make us want to level the offending countries with every tank and fighter jet available. While extremes are unavoidable, success in life most often comes from balancing two equal and opposite extremes. Such is the case with contentment and ambition.

You either are or know someone who is perfectly happy with the status quo. Change is scary, painful, and not fun. They are fond of the phrase, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. "Why bother with the flow of things, when things seem ok?" Most of their energy is spent in avoiding pain and discomfort. “Why make changes and deal with an entirely new set of problems? I’m perfectly happy with the problems I have now”. They may start out trying to be content with life, but end up somewhere else. When change is avoided at all costs, contentment becomes stagnation. Stagnation is what happens when we have avoided change and discomfort for so long that we begin to lose our desire for more. Growth is impossible without some level of discomfort, and life is meaningless without growth.

The opposite extreme isn’t much better.

You either are or know someone on this extreme as well. In healthy doses they are ambitious, but in extremes they are compulsively driven. They apply for any new job that hits the boards. If things aren’t constantly changing they become restless. There’s always more to be had, more to be done, and more to achieve. The problem with a compulsive life is that it can’t stop and enjoy all it has accomplished.

So, what’s to be done?

Contentment and ambition can live hand in hand. Their unhealthy extremes of stagnation and compulsivity however, cannot. So, how can you be content and at the same time ambitious? Here are some tips:

Celebrate Successes

Taking time to look back and appreciate what you have accomplished, fights against the compulsion that robs us of joy. While compulsion always looks forward, celebration takes time to look back and to look around. The act of celebration is one of the most overlooked spiritual disciplines. Celebration provides a pause and much needed clarity to life. Take a second and admit that you have actually done and seen some pretty great things.

Be Imperfect

In order to keep contentment from turning into stagnation, you have to make peace with your own imperfection. One of the reasons so many people become stagnant is that they are unsure of how to take their next step well. If they don’t know how it will all turn out, they often don’t take the step at all.  No one wants to fail or look foolish, but failing and looking foolish are an inevitable part of life. Life only works if you can endure looking foolish at times without believing you are a fool. When you realize that you don’t have to be perfect, you are set free to grow (which is not a perfect process).

Choose great ambitions in your life. Tackle big problems, seek to fight enormous injustices. As you do, stop from time to time to enjoy where you are at and the people all around you. Contentment and ambition are not only possible, they are key ingredients to a successful life.

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Failing Forward

There Is No Need To Panic!

I’ve read a few nervous posts about a recent report that stated that the number of Christians in the United States was declining. My life as a Christian brings me a great deal of meaning and peace. So, while I want others to have the same peace that I enjoy, I’m not panicked about the declining numbers in a great deal of churches in the U.S., and you don’t have to be either. Here’s why:

Numbers Aren’t Always Honest

There was a time when being a Christian was a popular thing to be. Or, maybe the other options were very unpopular. Whatever the case, in the past it was easier to declare yourself a Christian than it was to align with something else. There were also advantages with throwing in with the Christian camp, whether you were or not. Your neighbors may have trusted you more, and it wasn’t like there was a Buddhist temple on the corner as another alternative. Also, it’s easy to say you are a Christian whether you are really committed to it or not, sort of like being a Democrat or a Miami Dolphins fan. We live in a generation where religious options are limitless and “declaring” yourself a Christian isn’t that advantageous anymore. In fact, it might gain you a few strange looks in certain places. I believe a big part of the numbers that are shrinking are people who weren’t necessarily Christian, but just didn’t have another box they wanted to check. Losing folks who were never really Christians to begin with isn’t a devastating loss, just an honest clarification.

Our Desire For A Majority Hasn’t Always Been Healthy

Nowhere in the Bible does it encourage the spread of Christianity so as to create a political majority and thereby effect change. That was never the plan. The letters written by the early church shortly after Jesus’ death and resurrection offer a different approach.  Those writers described a personal commitment to follow Jesus Christ that resulted in a community of likeminded people committed to service and truth. Change wasn't going to come as a new set of rules for everyone in the nation to follow.  Better rules do not necessarily create better people. That sort of outside-in approach in which obedience is demanded only creates silent compliance or angry defiance. Early Christians were changed by an internal commitment that led to external expression. Those that followed Jesus, cared for the poor, and were eager to offer mercy and hope. That sort of life often leads to inspiration. The best bet for the church of today is to stop obsessing over numbers and start focusing on caring for the people in our communities. Love wins when arguments fail, and that will never stop being true, regardless of the numbers.

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Also, I am a Miami Dolphins fan, I'm committed, and it's pretty awful.

Don't Let The Things That Make Your Life Easier Make It Less Satisfying

We live at a great time in history. The technological advances that continue to come out each year make our lives more convenient and efficient. We can process and evaluate a great deal of information each day, that in the past would have taken weeks to collect. Our phones allow us to communicate in seconds. Our laptops and ipads allow us to work at home as easily as at the office sometimes. Facebook and Instagram allow us to socialize and connect with more people, faster than ever before. These innovations are incredible. Like all resources available to us, however, these new conveniences can be misused. Here are three ways to ensure that you are not misusing your ipad, email, and social media:

Create Space For Attention

Time and attention are the fuel of relationships.  It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, but it has to come consistently and be undistracted. If you finally have 20 minutes to talk to your wife at night after a long day, and you check your work email 20 times, you are not really spending time with your wife. It’s not enough to hear what she is saying, she has to see you receiving and reacting to her words. If you think that doesn’t make sense, ask yourself how many times you have told your child to look at you when you are talking to him. Also, how much would you trust a co-worker who was busy sending tweets while you explained an important task to them? Create a space where you can give your full and undivided attention to those you love. Once you have created that space, protect it at all costs!

Create Space For Work

I hope you love your work. It makes life so much better if you do. If you love your work, and if you are driven to good a great job, then it’s really easy to let work thoughts and responsibilities sneak into your family or rest time. You can always do more at work. You can always give it more thought and read over things one more time. So, since no job ever feels completely or perfectly done, you have to set limits. Create a space for your work and don’t let it creep into everything else. There has to be time each day where work is not allowed into your mind at all. Your family and friends understand coming in second place to your work at times, but they will not be ok with always coming in second place.

Create Space For Relationship

I know Facebook makes it feel like you can relate to 20,000 people, but you can’t. At least not well. You have limited relational resources. You have limited time to relate. You have to make a decision about who you are going to relate to and at what depth.  Not making a decision will result in shallow relationships and the people you love the most will feel neglected. Create space in your life for the relationships that matter most, and don’t allow 20 other relationships to steal time and energy from them. Remember, cyber relationships are easier than real relationships. Real relationships are work, but real relationships satisfy. Don’t let anything distract you from the time it takes to make them work.

If you don’t decide how you spend your time and energy, other people will decide for you, and you will never be satisfied. So say “no” to some things today that will make your life better tomorrow.

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

A Time Budget: How Managing Your Most Important Resource Can Change Your Life

Making ends meet is never an easy task and for that reason most people have a budget they use to track their spending. Most of us have learned that having a system to make the best use of our money is incredibly helpful. It allows us to meet our most pressing financial needs, plan for the future, and enjoy the present a bit more. As important as it is to handle your money well, it’s even more crucial to manage your time well. People have run out of money and bounced back tons of times. Once you run out of time, however, there is no bouncing back. Here are three thoughts to help you begin to budget your most important resource more effectively:

Don’t Cheat Your Sleep

You only have 24 hours with which to work each day. The way you use those hours will determine how effective you are today, this week, and 20 years down the road. Most people need between 6 – 8 hours of sleep each night. For the majority of us getting less than 6 or more than 8 on a consistent basis will have negative consequences. It’s easy to accumulate more and more demands on our time each day, and the first place we tend to try to steal hours from is our sleep. Not only does sleep recharge your body, it refocuses your mind. The hours you steal from sleep may help you get ahead today, but they will cost you tomorrow.

Some Hours Are Better Than Others

Let’s face it, you are not equally productive all throughout your day. In the same way that there are limits to the number of hours you have in a day, there are also limits on the number of quality hours you have each day.  We have dips in energy and lags in concentration all throughout our day, it’s one  limitation that we all have in common. Instead of ignoring that limitation and pretending that it doesn’t affect you, plan with it in mind. Take time over the next few days and see when you are the most clear and most focused. Are you better in the morning? Is the evening your most productive time? Are there times when you get tired and are not as sharp? Next, slot your most important tasks into the hours when you are most focused and most motivated. Don’t schedule your tasks according to urgency, but according to importance. You will see an immediate improvement in your productivity.

Think Big Picture

When you choose where you spend those 16-18 hours you have left in your day, begin with the end of your story in mind. When you are 70 what will you have wanted to achieve? How close will you want to be with your family? How important will your physical health be to you? The way you divide your time now will determine how satisfied with life you are then. How many hours will you invest in your family? How much time will you spend at work? What sort of chunk of time will your hobbies gobble up? You need to make all of these decisions in light of what you value the most. So, take some time, sit down and be honest with yourself. Will the way you are using your hours this week make you most satisfied in 5 years, 10, 30?

Time is the one resource you can never recover, so set up your time budget now. Begin to make decisions today that will lead to your greatest satisfaction now and in the future.

3 Healthy Ways To Handle Criticism

Few things have the power to crush your confidence any more than receiving harsh criticism. We live in a time in which social media has made it easy to criticize others, oftentimes anonymously. News and talk shows live off of criticism, some valid and some less so. While criticism can be very painful, it’s a fact of life. Your ability to handle criticism well will not only make you more successful, but will make your life more enjoyable. Here are three things to remember when it comes to handling criticism:

1)It’s Not Personal

Critics may attack the work you are doing or the words you are saying. No one is perfect, and our work and words will often contain flaws. We can handle criticism about our performance when we remember that it's ok to not be perfect. We can not however, survive long when we take criticism personally. To believe that you are less valuable as a person because of the criticism you receive can be devastating. I’ve said it before, but it bears writing again, you are not your performance. Who you are is more than what you do. We all need to remind ourselves of that daily!

2)Know Which Criticism To Ignore

There are critics in the world who just enjoy tearing people down. They were the kids in kindergarten who walked around kicking over your blocks and legos once your tower starting getting tall. They were annoying then and they are annoying now. Also, they are worthless (well, at least their criticism is). Their greatest joy in life is to point out flaws, real or perceived, wherever they see them. They don’t care as much about their own work as they do about criticizing yours. Since they have no real concern for you or the project you may be working on, they must be ignored. Even if they are occasionally right in what they are saying, which brings us to the third point…

3)Have your own team of critics.

Sometimes we need help to see the flaws in our work. We are often too close and can’t see where things might not be working. In those moments a critical eye can be very helpful. The key is to cultivate a group of people that you trust to be your team of critics. When you know that they have your best interest at heart you will be more able to receive their insights without becoming defensive. Make sure your team knows that you are expecting them to find the holes in your work, and not to just encourage you regardless of what they see. Friends who can be honest with you and care for you at the same time are priceless!

Criticism is a part of life, if we let it discourage us or make us defensive we will become less effective and less satisfied. Get a handle on the criticism that surrounds you today!

The One Thing That All Smart People Know

The most brilliant people on the planet all share one piece of knowledge. They all know something that adds to their greatness and allows them to achieve remarkable things. What is that one thing they know? They know that they don’t know everything and thus greatness never occurs in isolation. To put it another way, smart people surround themselves with smart people. It’s impossible to know everything about every topic and brilliant people don’t even try. Partnering with others who have unique intelligence and skill frees you up to do what you do best and to achieve what you could have never achieved on your own. Here are three ways you can apply this principle for success to your life:

1) Ask Someone A Question Everyday

Everything you have ever learned, you learned from someone else. More importantly, everything you learn from this point on, you will learn from someone else. Listen to others and learn from them. While you are at it, take a second and share some wisdom of your own. When you take time to ask someone around you a question each day, you are admitting that you don’t know it all. You are also taking time to clear your brain and more fully appreciate the people around you. Not only will you grow as a person, your day will be much more enjoyable.

2)Listen To The Experts

Living in 2015 may have its challenges, but it also has some amazing benefits. You have incredible access to the insights of people from all over the globe and from all throughout history. Take time to read books that interest you and that relate to what you may be currently working on. Listen to podcasts. Watch a TEDTalk. There are a million ways to learn, take advantage of them. 

3)Publicly Promote Someone Else

Since we are always learning from other people, it’s healthy and right to give credit where credit it due. If you are reading a book and pick up a thought that you use later, give the author credit. Post quotes from the book on Facebook or Twitter. Social media outlets are great places to thank others and credit them in some way. Take a minute out of your day and encourage someone in the good work they are doing. You love it when that happens to you, so remember to offer it others as well.

The humility to learn from those around us is critical to our success at work and at home.  Take a second today to remember that you don’t know it all. Also, remember that it’s ok to not know it all. It’s not ok, however, to pretend that you do. 

How To Take Care of Your Most Valuable Asset

I enjoy cooking and playing around in the kitchen. We have a new knife in our home (a very generous wedding gift), and I adore it. It is balanced and razor sharp. I am constantly looking for things to chop, dice, or julienne. Most people think that the sharper a knife is, the more dangerous it is. That's not actually true.  More accidents happen with dull knives than with sharp ones. The duller the knife, the more pressure you have to exert. More exertion increases the chances of the knife slipping and cutting you. The author of the book  Ecclesiastes wrote that this is true not only of knives, but of life itself. He wrote, “If the iron is blunt, and one does not sharpen the edge, he must use more strength, but wisdom helps one to succeed.” (Ecclesiastes 10:10) Sharpening a knife is like taking time to work on me. Stephen Covey calls this process “sharpening the saw”. Staying “sharp” makes us more effective at home, work, and with friends. Here are a couple of ways to stay sharp:

Make Time To Read

Reading is a chance to open ourselves up to other thoughts and perspectives. All your reading doesn’t have to be related to your job. Read a novel. Check out a collection of poetry that you have been curious about. Subscribe to a blog. There are tons of valuable voices out there that can help you grow and see the world in a new way.

Make Time To Pray

For Christians, it's easy for prayer to be something that we talk about but rarely do. Prayer reminds me that I’m not alone in the challenges I am facing. It connects me to a God who loves me and cares about the details of my day. Prayer allows me to focus on the fact that there is a bigger purpose and plan to my life. Ancient writer and prophet Jeremiah, reminded his nation of that fact. He told them that God had a good future in mind for them. His plans would offer them hope for their future (Jeremiah 29:11).  We often need to be reminded of that as well.

Make Time For Silence And Solitude

Take a walk and leave your ear buds at home. Shut out all the sounds that can clutter your day. Sometimes you need to be alone to give your brain a chance to re-calibrate itself. Taking a break from the hectic pace of life, even for just a few minutes, can improve your mental clarity. It allows you to see that the things that seemed so important a few minutes ago, might not be as critical as you had imagined (Did I just get into an argument about mashed potatoes?!). Getting away and getting quiet is like adjusting the valve on a pressure cooker. We are able to relax and release some of the stress and pressure that have been building up. Less stress means that you are less likely to do or say something that you will regret later.

Your relationships and work are important to you. So, cut out time in your day to take care of yourself. The sharper you are the more success you will have. 

Photo Courtesy of  Death To Stock Photo

"Sharpening the Saw" is one of Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People from the book by the same title. It is possibly the greatest book on leadership and personal growth in existence. Seriously, go read it.

Why Leaders Fail: And Two Things You Can Do To Avoid It

A DailyMail.com article found that nearly 40% of the highest paid CEO’s in America had faced action due to poor performance in the past 20 years. These leaders were the best and the brightest, and were paid incredible amounts of money to bring success to their companies. This trend doesn’t only exist only in the highest profile jobs. Leadership breakdowns happen everywhere. While there are a lot of different factors that can cause leaders to fail, one that seems to show up again and again is when leaders fail to recognize the relational component of leadership. Leadership is a relationship, and when it’s not treated as one, it’s doomed to fail. Being a good leader means being committed to relational health. Here are a couple of relational reminders that will make you a better leader:

Have Honest Expectations

No one’s perfect. You are not and neither are the people you lead. There’s nothing wrong with casting an incredible vision for your company or church, one that seems almost impossible. It’s something else entirely to demand the impossible from your staff or employees. Unrealistic expectations and demands erode confidence and will eventually cause those who work for you to quit or rebel. Be ambitious but honest in your expectations.

Always Leave Your Door Open

Relationships are only relational if communication can flow both ways. If you only talk to (or at) your employees, they will soon believe that you don’t care about them and think that you only see them as a means to an end (which hopefully isn't true).  Be open for feedback. Take time to hear people out. Listening to critiques or the other side of an argument doesn’t make you weak. After you have heard someone out, you may choose to still stay the course, but occasionally you may gain insight that you didn’t have before, allowing you to change direction and be more effective.

Leadership is a relationship, and if you fail to recognize that, your leadership will likely fail as well. Respect and take care of the people who follow you, not only will you be winning as a leader, but you will be winning in life. 

The DailyMail.com article that I referenced above can be found here

Photo courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

3 Reasons You Are Not Achieving The Goals That You Set For Yourself (And What You Can Do About It!)

You’re being too general.

It’s sounds great to have “be a better Dad” as a goal, but what does that actually mean? The more specific your goal, the more likely you are to achieve it. It’s discouraging to work hard on a goal, and then  not be able to see if you are succeeding because your goal is too general. It’s much easier to tell if you are having one quality conversation with your daughter a night for instance, or if you are leaving work 15 minutes earlier to spend time with your son.

You’re focusing too much on your weaknesses.

Goals can definitely help us shore up our weak spots, but constantly focusing on our weak spots is not healthy. Many people who are new to setting goals will choose their biggest weaknesses and try to overcome them in goal form. This is admirable but inevitably leads to discouragement. Your weaknesses are your weaknesses for a reason. We all have areas we are not naturally talented in and don’t enjoy, thus the weakness. Targeting only these areas will become overwhelming and frustrating. Instead choose a couple of goals that take things you are good at and enjoy, and elevate them to a new level. It will inspire you and give you greater confidence as you chip away at your weaknesses.

You’re chasing other people’s dreams.

We’ve all been here. You have coffee with a good friend and she tells you about the exciting things she is going to tackle in the upcoming weeks or months. They are so exciting in fact, that you decide that they should be goals that you have as well, and off you go! The problem is that her goals, as good as they may be, might not lead you to your desired destination with regards to your work, family, and friends. Your goals need to specifically fit you and your desired future.

Set your goals honestly and realistically and release that great passion of yours as you seek to change you and your world!

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Relationships Part 2: How To Have The Healthy Relationships You Crave

If you are ready to be more effective in you relationships, and to enjoy them more as well, then asking yourself the following questions is the place to start:

Have I accepted my limitations?

You have them, the only question is, are you being honest about that. You can’t relate to everyone. If you continue to ignore your limits, you will never deliberately choose how to best invest yourself relationally.

What are the most important relationships in my life?

Yes, some are more important than others. For instance, you are the only mom you daughter has. Is it possible that some relationships in your life are more time sensitive than others right now? Is your child graduating in 3 years? Is your uncle terminally ill? If you could only relate to four people on the planet who would they be? Make sure they get the majority of your time and attention.

Start with the end in mind.

Which will you want to have more by the time you are 80, a wife that feels loved and cared for or a boss that feels you were a great employee? How will you want your son to remember his childhood? When you have settled on what will be most important to you the future, translate that into action in the present.

Relationships aren’t easy, so you tend to avoid giving them concentrated attention and effort. Relationships are, however, the core of our life, and the time and deliberate attention you give them will pay off more than anything you do. I hope that this year will be the beginning of something incredible in your relational life!

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Relationships Part 1: Why Yours May Be Unhealthy And Unsatisfying

Have you ever felt that there just wasn’t enough of you to go around?

Have you ever felt that you are being pulled in too many directions?

Do you feel that you are surrounded by wonderful people but that you don’t get to relate to and enjoy them as much as you would like?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be confusing “loving people” with “relating to people”.

Jesus’ call to love everyone isn’t a call to be in relationship with everyone. It’s impossible to be in relationship with everyone. Relationship requires effort, sacrifice, and time, and we only have limited amounts of those things. You only have 24 hours in a day, and you can’t stay awake for all of that for very long without suffering severe physical consequences. We have even less attention to give in a day than we do hours. You can only shove so many relationships into your life. Everyone won’t fit.

People who feel that they should relate to everybody equally have weaker and less satisfying relationships. I realize that the preceding statement is heavy, but it’s true.  It feels judgmental to choose to relate to some people and not others. It feels better to simply say, I will relate to everyone and exclude no one. The problem, however is that when you attempt to relate equally to everyone who pursues you for friendship or relationship, you will inevitably run out of time and energy at some point. When that happens it's impossible relate to more people. Not only that, you will be spent, and there will be very little of you left to relate to. Like it or not, you will be excluding people at that point. As much as we hate to admit it, the real question is not whether we will exclude people or not, but who will we exclude.

Healthy relational people make deliberate choices about where they will invest themselves relationally. You are going to make a relational impact in your life. Where you will make it and how deep will that impact be? Who gets the majority of your time? Who gets the majority of your focused attention? Where do you invest your affection? Are you getting a good return on your investment? Are the people that you say you love the most getting the best of you, or the leftovers?

If these questions have whet your appetite for relational growth, and you are eager to take the first step, stop back in at the blog tomorrow for how to take the first steps. Also, take a second and become a follower of this blog or leave a comment. I would love to hear your feedback. I look forward to meeting you back here soon!

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Change Isn't Easy But It Doesn't Have To Be Impossible: 3 Ways To Make The Changes You Want To Make

All of us have things in our life that we wish we could change. Many of us have tried to implement changes: I want to eat less, I want to exercise more, I want to spend more time with the family , etc… Anyone who has tried to grow by changing a habit in their life or to begin a new one knows how hard it can be. How many New Year’s resolutions have you broken? Yeah, me too.  Personal change can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be impossible, here are three things to remember if you are trying to make a positive change in your life:

Start Small

If you aren’t a runner but want to be, committing to running 5 miles every day this week is a brutal goal. It’s not fair to you, and it will never happen. What’s worse is that when you don’t achieve your goal, you will likely get discouraged and stop trying to run altogether. The key to forming a new habit is to start small. Remember, small wins lead to big wins. Accomplishing small goals encourages us and brings us closer step by step to our bigger goals. I know you want to accomplish great things, but those things start with small steps.

Details Matter

It’s so easy when we set out to achieve a lofty goal to get lost in the big picture. Many people are committing themselves to a healthier lifestyle, which is admirable. Lots of people start with trying to get more and better rest. But getting better sleep isn’t a good goal. It’s not clear, and it’s hard to tell what to do or how to measure improvements. Start out by focusing on the small details of your goal. 

          

          I want to be in bed with the lights out at 10PM. 

          I want to stop drinking caffeinated drinks at 6PM. 

          I want to be in my room reading a book with all of the noise off at 9:30PM.

 Find a routine and stick with it. Being mindful of the details makes our goals fall into place.

Have A Selective Memory

We all remember our mistakes. We tend to bring them up in our mind over and over, which often leads to lessened motivation over time. Make a point to note and remember your successes. They are there, you just don’t tend to notice them as much. Keep a journal if you need to. Once a day go back and review the things you got right. Leave your mistakes in the past and feed the good memories. Your motivation will increase, and as a great side effect, you will find yourself being more merciful and kind to others as a result.

Change isn’t easy, but it’s important. Find your next step, and begin your journey of change. Don’t get discouraged along the way, if it were easy it probably wouldn’t be worth doing!

Why Can't I Get This Right?!: How To Break Free From Your Past

I think I have found the least likely verse in the entire Bible to be put on a t-shirt:

                “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.”

                                                -Proverbs 26:11

Go ahead and cross-stitch that on a pillow for the living room. I guarantee it will be a conversation starter!

It’s true though isn’t it? It’s so easy to repeat the unhealthy things we do and it always leads to the same predictable disappointment. We’ve all had those moments when we stop and realize that we are struggling with the same bad decisions, addictions, or fears that we were struggling with 10 years ago, and the thought makes us shudder. So how do we break the cycle and escape the bad decisions that are impacting our lives each day? Here’s a few things to consider:

Be Honest With Yourself

It’s much easier to keep life on cruise control and keep motoring along, than it is to stop and have an honest look at ourselves. Your ability to be honest with yourself hinges on your ability to trust that God’s love for you is bigger than your bad decisions. God doesn’t stop loving you when you sin. God hates the sin that is wrecking your life, but He loves you completely and unconditionally.

Be Honest With Someone Else

Getting your struggle out in the open is a big step on the path to dealing with it. It’s easy to ignore our mess when life gets better or busy, especially if no one knows about it but us. Admitting my struggles to someone else helps me see how real they are.  Don’t tell just anyone! Choose someone who loves you and who won’t judge you. Share what you are wrestling with, but don’t make excuses or explain it away. Be honest and be clear and if possible, ask for help.

Form a New Habit

Old habits don’t just go away. If a new habit isn’t formed in it’s place, old habits are nearly impossible to escape. As you think and talk through what you are struggling with, examine when it happens the most, and what triggers may bring it to the surface.  Choose a routine, activity, or thought process that you can engage in when those moments hit. Be patient, it takes 63 days for a habit to be deeply entrenched. You won’t be perfect, but you must be relentless. It will be worth all of the work!

We all fail, but failure doesn’t have to define us. As you work on your new habits, talk to God often. You are not in this alone, and He isn’t waiting for you to get your life straight to have a relationship with you. He wants the relationship He has with you to be what gives you strength as you grow.  

Photo Courtesy of Death To The Stock Photo

Friday Finds - September 12

This week's Finds are all in video form! It's been a long week, kick off your shoes, curl up with your laptop and be inspired by some truly amazing leaders!

N.T. Wright should be mandatory reading for all Christians. He is intelligent, compassionate, and is able to write and speak in ways that are guaranteed to make you think.

          N.T. Wright - Look at Jesus

Miroslav Volf has spoken more passionately and with greater conviction about forgiveness than any theologian on the planet. His incredible book , Exclusion and Embrace is one of the best on forgiveness ever written.

          Miroslav Volf on Forgiveness

It’s hard to imagine a better coach or more powerful leader than John Wooden. His TedTalk is one I return to often. It is worth every second of your time….

          John Wooden - The Difference Between Success and Winning

Have a great weekend!!!!!

Photo courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Wounds Don't Just Heal Themselves!

I grew up with two incredibly resilient parents. Both grew up deep in the mountains of western North Carolina. Both came from large families (13 siblings for my mom, 9 for my dad). Both grew up in poverty. Both suffered great loss, and both endured and created a good life for themselves. I don’t ever remember either of them talking to me directly about how to deal with hardships, but it was understood. “If life kicks you, kick back and keep moving. Don’t let what you feel affect what you do. No excuses, no feeling sorry for yourself. You may get knocked down, just don’t stay down.” Those thoughts have served me well, and while I am in no way as strong as they were, I am grateful that they raised me the way they did.

There are times, however, when gritting your teeth and pushing forward no longer works. There are some wounds in life that must be attended to, not just endured. Much like a bad cut that gets infected without proper attention, there are wounds to our soul which will never heal properly unless we intentionally address them. In the words of John Eldredge, “An unfelt wound is an unhealed wound.”

So if you have been through a hard time that you just can’t seem to shake, here are some things to consider:

Are You Hurt Or Are You Injured?

One of my favorite coaches in high school was fond of saying, “are you hurt or are you injured?” There’s a big difference in those two. If you are hurt or simply feeling pain, the best thing to do is to keep moving, and to push through. If you are injured, however, it would be foolish to try to continue playing, because it would only make the injury worse.  Here’s some question to give serious thought to: Has your broken relationship, betrayal, abusive past, etc… begun to affect the way you see yourself? Does it impact the way you make decisions in life? If the answer to these questions is yes, then you are likely injured and not just hurt.

Wounded Does Not Mean Weak.

It’s not weak to get a broken leg set in a cast, it’s smart. If you have been wounded by life, it’s not weak to stop and get some help. This is more than just having your feelings hurt or not getting your way. A wound that is not attended to can affect your quality of life for years.

Wounds Heal

There is hope. You do not have to carry around that pain for the rest of your life. Talk to a trusted friend or pastor. If needed, talk to a counselor. You invest time and money into your house and food and clothes, why not invest in the health and well-being of your soul?

If you have been wounded by life or by other people, you are not weak and you are not alone.  I hope you will find the courage to get help, and that you will enjoy the freedom that comes as your deepest wounds heal!

Quote from John Eldredge's book Wild at Heart

Photo courtesy of Death To The Stock Photo

The Right Way To Be Wrong

There are only a small number of things that are guaranteed in life. Death and taxes are two things that most people mention that can’t be avoided. One other to add to the list is failing. You will fail in your life. You will shoot and miss, apply and get rejected, and take risks that don’t pay off. No one likes to admit it, but everyone messes up. Sometimes our failings are small mistakes that go unnoticed and have very little impact on us. Other times, we make bad decisions that end up hurting us and the people who care for us most. Sometimes being wrong costs us money or a job, sometimes it costs us relationships.

As painful as it is to be wrong, there are ways to handle it well.  Often times, the way we handle being wrong has a greater impact on our life than the initial wrong itself. Here are a couple of things to keep in mind the next time you mess things up:

Own It Early

The longer you drag it out, the worse it gets. If you wait for someone else to confront you on something you know you have done wrong, you will lose a golden chance to earn back some trust. Waiting around to see if you are found out makes it look like you are more upset about getting caught than you are about the bad decisions you have made.

Avoid Excuses

Most of the time in life, there will be other people involved in your messes, and a lot of those times they will be partly to blame. The quickest way to lose credibility and respect  however, is to try to blame your mistakes on other people. Don’t blame other people for things you have done wrong! Yes, they probably did bad things as well, maybe even worse things than you, but that doesn’t matter. They are not your problem, you are your problem. So, if you want to begin to turn the mess you have made into something better, start by taking personal responsibility for your part of the mess. Something like this would work: “This part of the mess is mine. I did it. It was wrong, and I have nobody to blame for it but myself."

Leave It Behind

This is important in two ways. First off, if you continue to make the bad decisions you just apologized for, people are going to stop taking you seriously. If you messed up, and have owned it, the next step is to do your best to make better decisions. You won’t be perfect, but you can make great effort, and effort is noticed and appreciated by those around you.

Second, when you’ve blown it, you can’t spend your life feeling guilty and beating yourself up. Take responsibility, work at doing better, and move on with your life. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself or punishing yourself, those you have wronged don’t need that. Also, when you have owned your sin with God, He forgives you and moves on. If He chooses to move on and not hold your past against you, then you should do the same.

You will inevitably let people down in life. If you can handle your failures with courage and honesty, however, you deepen your relationships with those around you, and also grow in the process!

Today

Today someone is sitting in a sterile doctor’s office on a paper-covered bench, hearing for the first time that cancer has begun to attack their body

Today someone is hearing their child say her first word

Today someone is filing for divorce

Today someone is burying their father

Today someone is moving into their college dorm

Today someone is wondering where they will find money to feed their kids dinner tonight

Today someone will taste chocolate for the first time

Today….

I don’t know what your day has in store for you today, but I pray that you will embrace every moment of it’s goodness, and find peace from God for every moment of it’s pain.  After all, today is all we have.

Photo Courtesy of Death To The Stock Photo

Sharpening The Saw

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I’ll spend the first four sharpening the ax.”

                                                           -Abraham Lincoln

Leadership and management expert, Stephen Covey has taken Lincoln’s quote one step further. He believes that one of the essential habits of successful people is their ability to “sharpen the saw”. By this he means taking care of the tools or resources that we most often use during our daily activities. It makes whatever task we are attempting easier and more efficient. In life, your most valuable resource is you. You are the tool you use to accomplish the various challenges that you are faced with in your day. Most people rarely stop to think about how to take care of themselves, which leads to less efficiency and greater frustration in life. Here are a couple of thoughts about how take care of your most valuable resource:

Get To Sleep

Sleep is often the first casualty in our quest to become more productive and successful. It’s so easy to stay up an extra hour to finish that assignment or to wake up 30 minutes early to get a head start on the house. We can get away with neglecting sleep for a while, but eventually and inevitably it catches up to us. Our thinking becomes hazy and our emotions become unpredictable. Before long our body begins to physically shut down as well. If you want to take care of you, protect your sleep!

Get Creative

For most of us, our daily jobs don’t provide a creative outlet. If that’s the case, it’s critical that you make time to engage the creative parts of your brain. Paint, play music, landscape your yard, write, or do whatever you enjoy doing that stimulates your creativity. Engaging our creative impulses adds color to our life and reduces our stress. If you are thinking that you don’t have time for creative pursuits, then you need this outlet even more than most!

Get Alone

Even if you are an outgoing person who loves to surround themselves with people, you need some time alone. Time away from all of the distractions of life allows us to see the world in new ways. On an average day our brain is assaulted with all sorts of stimuli. There are people that need our attention and deadlines that need to be met. Music is playing everywhere we go. Horns blow on the roads and babies cry at home. Taking a few minutes to escape gives our minds a chance to sort themselves out. We are often able to prioritize the events of our day better after a break, which decreases our stress and adds much needed clarity to our day. So whether it’s a walk down the street or locking yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes, find some space to be alone today!

I hope you take time today to “sharpen the saw”, you are much too valuable a resource to be ignored!

Stephen Covey talks at length about Sharpening The Saw in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People