How To Balance Contentment And Ambition

Extremes are almost never good. We all are driven to extremes at times. We hate some things and love others. We eat at the best restaurants on the planet or the absolute worst dumps around. Our trips to the beach are the best experiences of our lives and our setbacks are catastrophes that make the Titanic seem like a minor malfunction.

Not only do we explain our life in extremes, we react in extreme ways as well. School shootings make us want to ban all guns forever. Terror attacks make us want to level the offending countries with every tank and fighter jet available. While extremes are unavoidable, success in life most often comes from balancing two equal and opposite extremes. Such is the case with contentment and ambition.

You either are or know someone who is perfectly happy with the status quo. Change is scary, painful, and not fun. They are fond of the phrase, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. "Why bother with the flow of things, when things seem ok?" Most of their energy is spent in avoiding pain and discomfort. “Why make changes and deal with an entirely new set of problems? I’m perfectly happy with the problems I have now”. They may start out trying to be content with life, but end up somewhere else. When change is avoided at all costs, contentment becomes stagnation. Stagnation is what happens when we have avoided change and discomfort for so long that we begin to lose our desire for more. Growth is impossible without some level of discomfort, and life is meaningless without growth.

The opposite extreme isn’t much better.

You either are or know someone on this extreme as well. In healthy doses they are ambitious, but in extremes they are compulsively driven. They apply for any new job that hits the boards. If things aren’t constantly changing they become restless. There’s always more to be had, more to be done, and more to achieve. The problem with a compulsive life is that it can’t stop and enjoy all it has accomplished.

So, what’s to be done?

Contentment and ambition can live hand in hand. Their unhealthy extremes of stagnation and compulsivity however, cannot. So, how can you be content and at the same time ambitious? Here are some tips:

Celebrate Successes

Taking time to look back and appreciate what you have accomplished, fights against the compulsion that robs us of joy. While compulsion always looks forward, celebration takes time to look back and to look around. The act of celebration is one of the most overlooked spiritual disciplines. Celebration provides a pause and much needed clarity to life. Take a second and admit that you have actually done and seen some pretty great things.

Be Imperfect

In order to keep contentment from turning into stagnation, you have to make peace with your own imperfection. One of the reasons so many people become stagnant is that they are unsure of how to take their next step well. If they don’t know how it will all turn out, they often don’t take the step at all.  No one wants to fail or look foolish, but failing and looking foolish are an inevitable part of life. Life only works if you can endure looking foolish at times without believing you are a fool. When you realize that you don’t have to be perfect, you are set free to grow (which is not a perfect process).

Choose great ambitions in your life. Tackle big problems, seek to fight enormous injustices. As you do, stop from time to time to enjoy where you are at and the people all around you. Contentment and ambition are not only possible, they are key ingredients to a successful life.

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

The One Thing That All Smart People Know

The most brilliant people on the planet all share one piece of knowledge. They all know something that adds to their greatness and allows them to achieve remarkable things. What is that one thing they know? They know that they don’t know everything and thus greatness never occurs in isolation. To put it another way, smart people surround themselves with smart people. It’s impossible to know everything about every topic and brilliant people don’t even try. Partnering with others who have unique intelligence and skill frees you up to do what you do best and to achieve what you could have never achieved on your own. Here are three ways you can apply this principle for success to your life:

1) Ask Someone A Question Everyday

Everything you have ever learned, you learned from someone else. More importantly, everything you learn from this point on, you will learn from someone else. Listen to others and learn from them. While you are at it, take a second and share some wisdom of your own. When you take time to ask someone around you a question each day, you are admitting that you don’t know it all. You are also taking time to clear your brain and more fully appreciate the people around you. Not only will you grow as a person, your day will be much more enjoyable.

2)Listen To The Experts

Living in 2015 may have its challenges, but it also has some amazing benefits. You have incredible access to the insights of people from all over the globe and from all throughout history. Take time to read books that interest you and that relate to what you may be currently working on. Listen to podcasts. Watch a TEDTalk. There are a million ways to learn, take advantage of them. 

3)Publicly Promote Someone Else

Since we are always learning from other people, it’s healthy and right to give credit where credit it due. If you are reading a book and pick up a thought that you use later, give the author credit. Post quotes from the book on Facebook or Twitter. Social media outlets are great places to thank others and credit them in some way. Take a minute out of your day and encourage someone in the good work they are doing. You love it when that happens to you, so remember to offer it others as well.

The humility to learn from those around us is critical to our success at work and at home.  Take a second today to remember that you don’t know it all. Also, remember that it’s ok to not know it all. It’s not ok, however, to pretend that you do. 

3 Reasons You Are Not Achieving The Goals That You Set For Yourself (And What You Can Do About It!)

You’re being too general.

It’s sounds great to have “be a better Dad” as a goal, but what does that actually mean? The more specific your goal, the more likely you are to achieve it. It’s discouraging to work hard on a goal, and then  not be able to see if you are succeeding because your goal is too general. It’s much easier to tell if you are having one quality conversation with your daughter a night for instance, or if you are leaving work 15 minutes earlier to spend time with your son.

You’re focusing too much on your weaknesses.

Goals can definitely help us shore up our weak spots, but constantly focusing on our weak spots is not healthy. Many people who are new to setting goals will choose their biggest weaknesses and try to overcome them in goal form. This is admirable but inevitably leads to discouragement. Your weaknesses are your weaknesses for a reason. We all have areas we are not naturally talented in and don’t enjoy, thus the weakness. Targeting only these areas will become overwhelming and frustrating. Instead choose a couple of goals that take things you are good at and enjoy, and elevate them to a new level. It will inspire you and give you greater confidence as you chip away at your weaknesses.

You’re chasing other people’s dreams.

We’ve all been here. You have coffee with a good friend and she tells you about the exciting things she is going to tackle in the upcoming weeks or months. They are so exciting in fact, that you decide that they should be goals that you have as well, and off you go! The problem is that her goals, as good as they may be, might not lead you to your desired destination with regards to your work, family, and friends. Your goals need to specifically fit you and your desired future.

Set your goals honestly and realistically and release that great passion of yours as you seek to change you and your world!

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

"Becoming" Isn't Easy: Three Keys To Becoming The Person You’ve Always Wanted To Be

Early in Michelangelo’s career, before the Sistine Chapel, he was commissioned to sculpt more than 40 figures for what would have been the most magnificent tomb of its time. Money for the project dried up, however, and it was pushed to the side and never completed. The result is a collection of statues that line the hall leading to Michelangelo’s masterpiece in Florence, the David. This collection of partially finished statues often referred to as Prisoners, shows figures half carved out of their blocks of marble. The images are very impactful as they appear to be fighting to emerge from the marble that holds them captive. (see image below)

We are like those statues in many ways. We are all in process. We are all becoming. Every day we strain against what we have been, working to be whatever we might become. Becoming what we hope to be isn’t an easy process. To say it another way, growth isn’t for the faint of heart. Here are a couple of thoughts as you seek to become all you were meant to be:

Don’t Listen To People Who Insist On Defining You By Your Past

Don’t forget your past, there are lessons to be learned there, but don’t listen to anyone who insists on never letting you escape your past. Your past is where you were, you get to decide where you are going next. If you constantly listen to people who feel that you will never grow to be anything new, at some point you will start believing them.

Growth Starts With Dreams But Is Enacted By Determination

Don’t stop dreaming about what you can become. Dreams are where it all starts, but dreaming isn’t enough. At some point you will have to step out and try to make those dreams come true. Becoming all you want to be isn’t easy, it takes hard work to keep from settling in to the status quo that holds you prisoner now.

Fail Mightily

If you are waiting to figure out all the steps that it’s going to take to become what you want to be, you will never get there. Sometimes you can only see the next step in front of you, sometimes not even that much. Take steps to work on whatever steps you can see, and don’t be afraid to fail. Of course you will fail along the way. Failure only kills our dreams if we refuse to get back up and try again. Failing is a sure sign that you are alive and growing. It also means you are one step closer to succeeding.

I hope you have a dream about what you can become. There is a world of potential inside of you just waiting to bust out, not to mention a world around you that needs what you have to offer. Dream big dreams and chase them all the passion and endurance you have. You will never regret it! 

Change Isn't Easy But It Doesn't Have To Be Impossible: 3 Ways To Make The Changes You Want To Make

All of us have things in our life that we wish we could change. Many of us have tried to implement changes: I want to eat less, I want to exercise more, I want to spend more time with the family , etc… Anyone who has tried to grow by changing a habit in their life or to begin a new one knows how hard it can be. How many New Year’s resolutions have you broken? Yeah, me too.  Personal change can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be impossible, here are three things to remember if you are trying to make a positive change in your life:

Start Small

If you aren’t a runner but want to be, committing to running 5 miles every day this week is a brutal goal. It’s not fair to you, and it will never happen. What’s worse is that when you don’t achieve your goal, you will likely get discouraged and stop trying to run altogether. The key to forming a new habit is to start small. Remember, small wins lead to big wins. Accomplishing small goals encourages us and brings us closer step by step to our bigger goals. I know you want to accomplish great things, but those things start with small steps.

Details Matter

It’s so easy when we set out to achieve a lofty goal to get lost in the big picture. Many people are committing themselves to a healthier lifestyle, which is admirable. Lots of people start with trying to get more and better rest. But getting better sleep isn’t a good goal. It’s not clear, and it’s hard to tell what to do or how to measure improvements. Start out by focusing on the small details of your goal. 

          

          I want to be in bed with the lights out at 10PM. 

          I want to stop drinking caffeinated drinks at 6PM. 

          I want to be in my room reading a book with all of the noise off at 9:30PM.

 Find a routine and stick with it. Being mindful of the details makes our goals fall into place.

Have A Selective Memory

We all remember our mistakes. We tend to bring them up in our mind over and over, which often leads to lessened motivation over time. Make a point to note and remember your successes. They are there, you just don’t tend to notice them as much. Keep a journal if you need to. Once a day go back and review the things you got right. Leave your mistakes in the past and feed the good memories. Your motivation will increase, and as a great side effect, you will find yourself being more merciful and kind to others as a result.

Change isn’t easy, but it’s important. Find your next step, and begin your journey of change. Don’t get discouraged along the way, if it were easy it probably wouldn’t be worth doing!

3 Ways To Stop Being Offended And Start Making A Difference!

The cardinal virtue that a person can attain in 2014 is “being offended”. A quick glance at any social media site will reveal floods of “offended” posts.  

                “I can’t believe that we have soldiers in Iraq!”

                “How dare we refuse to send more soldiers to Iraq!”

                “Join me in boycotting this restaurant that serves….”

                “Read this to see what that candidate thinks about you and your grandmother!”

It doesn’t seem to matter what the issue is that offends you, just so long as you are offended. We lie in wait like crocodiles watching for a celebrity to get a D.U.I., say something stupid, or hit their spouse and then we attack! Never mind that the very real issues of alcohol abuse, personal responsibility, and spousal abuse have been significant and serious issues for many, many years, we are outraged now! We want people to pay! We will never get over this, well until someone else does something wrong…

There’s nothing wrong with having strong opinions about what you feel may be right or wrong.  It’s just that venting moral outrage over social media or in our cubicles at work has only short-term if any impact at all. There are serious issues out there in the world that need to be addressed. Verbal attacks do little to address them, and often times simply allow us to avoid taking action in a meaningful way. If you are tired of being offended and ready to make a difference, here are some things to think about:

Start Being Specific

There are thousands of worthy issues to be addressed, and you can’t address them all. You can probably hate them all on Facebook through pithy put-downs and determined diatribes, but that doesn’t solve anything. Find an issue that touches your heart and research that issue. These questions may help: Who is being hurt? What attempts are being made to help them? What will happen if this issue isn’t addressed?

Get Involved

Once you’ve researched the issue you care about, get involved. Take action and make a difference. Spend your minutes and money making someone’s life better. There may be organizations that are already established to help with the issue at hand. If so, find a way to join up and help. It may be that a smaller scale intervention would be best. Battling cancer by donating to cancer research is great, but so is visiting your neighbor who is having chemo and in need of company.

Stop Judging

Please talk to people about the issue that you are passionate about, but don’t get upset if they are not as passionate as you are. It doesn’t mean that they are a bad person or that they don’t care. There are so many issues that need attention, so it' s probably best that we all have difference passions. Leave other people alone, and focus on the difference that you can make!

Our world needs you and the difference you can make. I hope that you find an issue that care about, and that your effort changes the world for someone in need!

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

How To Change The World In One Easy Step

A few days back as I was rumbling through a used book store, I came upon a coin operated vending machine (see above). Instead of giving out a small toy or bouncy ball, this vending machine handed out poems. I was intrigued, so I fed it my quarter and was rewarded with this classic poem by William Blake:

This poem reminds us, among other things, that cruelty is a man-made invention. We cannot bemoan the condition of our world without first taking a good look at ourselves. Cruelty and jealousy and envy and greed, all have a human face, and often that face is mine. It’s all well and good to point out the injustice in the world around us, so long as we remember that all efforts for justice and goodness and hope begin with me. My job is to change me, that’s how I change the world. We can’t wait for other people to get their act together for the world to be better, that’s not how it works. I start with me, you start with you, and before long the world is a more beautiful place. It’s an amazing thought to know that you can change the world before you even step out of your front door!

The Applause You Need and Why It May Be Wrecking Your Life

“I live for the applause, applause, applause…”

                                -Lady Gaga

She’s right you know.

We all live for the applause. It may not be the applause of 50,000 screaming fans in a packed out stadium, but we live for it nonetheless. You may be more comfortable calling it “praise” or “affirmation”, whatever it is, we are all wired to crave it. You may look for affirmation from your boss, your spouse, or even your kids. Your hunger for applause may be why you work 80 hours a week, bought that new car, or never speak your mind. We all want to know that we are doing a good job, and that our efforts matter to the people that we care about or look up to. Our hunger to be noticed isn’t unhealthy, but what we do with that hunger could be.  Here’s a couple of questions to consider:

Do I let the need for applause affect how I make decisions?

Applause and affirmation from people whose opinions we value is a great encouragement. When pleasing others becomes my goal, however, I'm on thin ice. When the need to be noticed drives how I make my decisions, I lose myself. I no longer make decisions based on my values and direction in life, but instead just sway to whatever I think will get me noticed or a pat on the back. Some people will use their love, attention, and applause to control others. If your need for affirmation drives your decisions, you will be one of the people they control!

When no one is applauding me, do I assume I must be failing or inadequate?

This one is so tough! Everyone has been here, whether we would like to admit it or not. It’s so easy to doubt yourself when you are not getting feedback.  Healthy homes and workplaces offer feedback and will take time to give encouragement when needed. It's important to remember, however, that every boss, spouse, and friend, even when they are healthy can get distracted or pre-occupied. When the feedback and applause stops, for whatever reason, you have to be able to honestly evaluate yourself. You have to know that you are a good person, and that you are doing a good job. Even if your performance is down, you need to be able to see your value clearly. Once you begin to doubt your worth, you are on very shaky ground!

When God finished creating the world and it’s people, He stepped back for a second to applaud, (“it is good” – Genesis 1:31). God sees your value and loves you deeply. I hope that there are those around you who also see that value, but more than anything else, I hope that you are able to agree with God today and know that you matter and are incredibly valuable!

How Hurry Can Wreck Your Life

I move quickly.

If I am not careful, I live my waking hours at a frantic pace. I’m not sure when I started living like this, I just know that I tend to do everything in fast forward. I get out of my car quickly when I park, I walk quickly, I eat quickly, and if I can multi-task another activity during those things, I do it. I know it’s not good when I live life this way. It’s like I’m fighting against the day rather than just living in it. If you could watch a video of my day, you would swear that the most important thing in my life is efficiency, and while I really do prize being efficient, I don’t want to look back on my life and marvel at the number of things I could accomplish in a day. I would rather take time to enjoy carefully chosen things in my life.

Maybe you spend your life in a hurry too. Dallas Willard once said, “Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day. You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” When I hurry, I am secretly saying to myself that what I have now is not enough. I need to achieve more. I have to see more. I’ve got to get one more thing done before bed, and I can get one more thing on the list crossed off if I just wake up 20 minutes earlier in the morning. We spend our lives conquering the world only to realize that we have not enjoyed or even noticed a single second of it.

Hurry is the state of being in which we want to accomplish more and have more than we currently do. It’s what happens when we feel the need to be more than we currently are. Hurry feeds off of discontent, and discontent makes life unbearable. Of course we all want to grow and move forward in our lives, there's nothing wrong with that, but the only way to grow is to stop slamming myself for where I am right now.  If we are able to slow down enough to be fully present in our current moment, we will be able to see the value in the people and activities around us. Hurry erodes when we embrace our present moments for all they are worth, rather than rushing through them to whatever might be next. When we are able to slow down, we can see that God has given us our present moments as a gift to be enjoyed and embraced, even when they are difficult or unexpected. 

I hope you find time to slow down today, and that in those moments, you will feel God's great love for you.

Photo courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Dallas Willard's quote is from John Ortberg's newest: Soul Keeping.  

Inspiration (Part XIII)

"Fight one more round. When your feet are so tired that you have to shuffle back to the center of the ring, fight one more round. When your arms are so tired that you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard, fight one more round. When your nose is bleeding and your eyes are black and you are so tired you wish your opponent would crack you one on the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round - remembering that the man who always fights one more round is never whipped."     -James Corbett (Heavyweight Boxing Champion, 1892)  


Some days are a grind from sun up til sundown. If today is one of those days for you, I hope you will find the courage to fight one more round! Hang in there! When everything else breaks down, persistence wins!

3 Questions That Will Make Or Break You

Posted by Michael

1)Do I Really Want What I Am Chasing?

Life is too short to spend all of your time grinding through things that make you miserable. Many of us (perhaps you included) were told what a successful life looked like somewhere during high school or college, and we’ve been chasing it ever since. The only problem is that we don’t often stop long enough to ask, “Do I really want what I am chasing?”. Becoming a lawyer, running a marathon, landscaping acres of yard to perfection, or even climbing Mt. Everest are great things, if you want them. The sad thing is that most people haven’t stopped long enough to consider what might bring them joy. They have just adopted what others seem to think are worthwhile achievements. The greatest achievements in the world will always leave you empty if they aren’t what your heart desired in the first place.

2)Are my relationships consistently taking more from me than they are giving?

Relationships are wonderful, in fact, I believe that they are the core of a meaningful life. Unfortunately, like all good things, relationships can be twisted to cause pain rather than enjoyment. You should absolutely have relationships in life where you are the primary giver. There should be people who have needs that you can and do address. It may be that you mentor them, financially provide for them, teach them, or applaud them. Having only those types of relationships in your life, however, is not healthy. It’s impossible to give in healthy ways if you are not receiving care and encouragement yourself. If you list out your significant relationships on a piece of paper and find that they all only take from you, then you are heading down a dangerous road! Health comes from equal parts give and take. Yes, you can give, but you must also take!

3)Do I have a dream?

Dreams for the future are a critical part of an enjoyable life. Dreams are not a waste of time, instead, they help clarify and prioritize our time. Dreams of what could be give us the courage to take risks and challenge the status quo. When we take time to imagine who we would like to become and where we would like to go, we are often rewarded with much needed motivation. The daily grind of life can steal all of our focused thought and energy (it needs some, but not all!).  Taking time to dream ensures that we won’t get bogged down in the details of life. It also gives us energy to attend to and prioritize those details in more productive and successful ways.

I hope you will carve out a few minutes this week and review these important questions in your own life. You matter deeply and I want your journey through life to be meaningful and enjoyable!