Why Saying "I'm Sorry" Isn't Working Anymore: How To Apologize In A Relational Way

I grew up in a small town in the mountains of western North Carolina. Every home town has its own unique set of rules that seem to be relatively constant throughout the area. In the hometown (and the south in general), we were taught to say, “I’m sorry”. If we had done something wrong, or if anyone thought we had done something wrong, we knew what to say. We said it whether we were sorry or not. We said it because we knew choking out, “I’m sorry” now was better than dealing with mom or dad when we got home.   

I’ve noticed that as adults many of us haven’t gotten any better with our forced apologies. Many times people do or say hurtful things and then toss out an “I’m sorry”, as if it will make everything better. Some people believe that the words “I’m sorry” are magical words that take away all of the consequences of their behavior. Nobody likes to hurt someone or make a mistake. When we realize that we have, we want to get past it as quickly as possible. As painful as it may be, however,  a quick “I’m sorry” just isn’t enough. Here are a couple of things to remember that will allow you to relate in a better way when you’ve hurt someone:

Explain Why You're Sorry

I’m sorry or I apologize is the only the beginning of a what needs to be a longer sentence. If you’ve messed up, take some time and own what you’ve done. Be clear about what it is you are apologizing for. If you aren’t sure what you’ve done, don’t just say “I’m sorry” to get the tension to go away. Ask what you’ve done, and if it was wrong, apologize for it. Also, take a second and think about how your words or actions have affected the person you have wronged. When someone believes that you understand how they feel, they are more likely to forgive you and move forward in the relationship.

Make a Visible Change

Words are good. Actions are better. If you have hurt someone, as much as you are able, take action to set things right. We won’t always be able to make things right, but when we can we should try. Also, once you’ve apologized for something, you should work hard to avoid repeating that behavior. Saying, “I’m sorry” only to repeat what you did over and over is pointless. If there is nothing that you feel you need to change, you probably shouldn’t be apologizing. Which brings us to the third point:

If You Aren’t Sorry, Don’t Apologize

Apologizing isn’t a tool to make conflict go away. It is a way of saying what is or is not acceptable in your relationship. If your spouse doesn’t like how loudly you play your music, but you see no problem with it, don’t apologize just to end the tension. If you apologize you are saying that playing your music loudly is wrong and that you don’t plan to do it again, which is not what you are saying. You are saying, “I want you to stop being mad, and I plan to play my music again when you are not so mad.” Having those hard conversations about what we feel is acceptable and what is not in our relationships is one of the things that make relationships strong. So don’t avoid it! 

Having the courage to own what we've done and apologize is an impressive relationship skill. It's more than saying "I'm sorry". As hard as it is, owning what we've done wrong can strengthen our relationships. So, be sorry if you must but be honest no matter what. Your relationships will grow because of it!

Is Your Past Controlling Your Present?

I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. I stepped in the batter’s box, there were two outs and I had two strikes on me. We were in the state playoffs, playing a team we had beaten twice earlier in the year. My only advice from coach was to lay off the curveballs that dipped low and out of the strike zone. It was good advice, because I had a weakness for curveballs that drifted low and away. It seems the pitcher knew that as well. The next pitch? A curve ball, low and away.  I swung the bat with every ounce of strength I had and missed the ball by a mile. The coach (deservedly) let me have it as I trotted back to the dugout.

That was several years ago. It wasn’t a life changing mistake. But I can still feel embarrassed when I think about it. It’s amazing how much power the past can still have in our lives. I’ll bet that if you thought about it for a second, you could call up three or four things from your past that still cause you to cringe. We all have things in our past that we aren’t proud of. Most of those things don’t affect our present or threaten our future. For many of us, however, there are past events that are still doing very real damage to us. How can you tell if something from your past is controlling your present and threatening your future?

If You Can’t Talk About It

Some things are so painful that they are difficult to talk about. That’s dangerous, because processing what happened is a key component to healing and moving on. You don’t need to talk about what happened to everyone, but you do need to be able to talk to someone. If the memory is especially painful or if you are confused about what it meant, then talking to a trained professional is a good idea. Refusing to talk about it is not an option.

If You Can’t Stop Talking About It

If you can’t stop talking about how horribly you were treated by your friend when you were 15, you probably have not resolved whatever happened. Our brains are magnificent machines (made by a magnificent Creator), and they will continue to bring the information that we haven’t fully processed back to our attention. If there is something from your past that you can’t stop talking about, then you may need to seek a greater resolution to whatever it was that happened.

Your Emotions Don’t Match Your Circumstances

Holding painful memories from our past under the surface is difficult. A friend once likened it to trying to hold beach balls under water at the pool. You might be able to keep one or two submerged, but any more than that, and they will all eventually pop to the surface. When you are trying to keep issues from your past buried inside, often it registers on an emotional level. You may be emotionally numb and unable to feel the normal highs and lows of life. For others, their emotions are much more explosive than you would expect given the circumstances they find themselves in. If you are trying to keep something stuffed down inside from your past, and the effort is affecting you emotionally, you may need to have a closer look at what you are hiding from.

We can gain great strength from our past. Successes and even challenges that we have endured and overcome can make us stronger. Unfortunately, our past can also cause us pain in our present. If you have things in your past that are preventing you from enjoying your present, make time to talk with someone about it. Whether it’s a counselor, a friend, or a minister, getting the words out can make a huge difference. You future is too valuable to be held hostage by your past. 

The Forgotten Art of Confession and How It Can Make You Whole

Confession is an important part of the Christian life. We all make mistakes. We all sin. We all hurt others. When that happens, we can either own it and talk about it, or ignore it and allow it to fester inside of us. Owning or confessing things can be difficult, but it leads to forgiveness and often reconciliation. Confession releases the heavy weight that guilt and shame inflicts on our souls, and thereby sets the stage for future growth. Also, we when confess to God, we find something amazing: He doesn’t hate us like we feared He would. He is not waiting to push us away, but is eager to embrace us and welcome us back. If you are new to the spiritual practice of confession, here are a couple of things to remember:

Don’t Confess Only to God

Being honest with God is a good place to start, but if there is someone that you have hurt with your decisions, you need to talk with them as well.  Many of us grew up in Christian environments where all that mattered was privately telling God that we were sorry. That sort of confession does nothing for those we hurt. We can’t always talk to those we hurt, but when we can, we should. When our bad decisions don’t directly affect anyone else, finding someone to tell is still important. When I confess to someone else, they can encourage me, and possibly follow up to see how I am doing going forward.

Don’t Confess To Just Anybody

When you are confessing to someone so that they can encourage you and keep you accountable, who you choose is critical. Confession is an intimate process, and some people don't do well with sensitive information. It’s ok to acknowledge that some people are more trustworthy than others. When you are talking through painful decisions you have made and that you are hoping to not repeat, you don’t need to be wondering in the back of your mind if this information is going to be spread around to others. Choose those you confide in wisely.

Don’t Confess To Everybody

The "social media confession" has grown in popularity over the past few years. Many people who have messed up in a relationship take to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. to tell the world how deeply sorry they are for what they have done.  Many people hope that if the world sees how truly repentant they are, the person they have wronged will give them a second chance. This is desperation at best and manipulation at worst. Avoid it at all costs!

Don’t Confess By Comparing

“I’m really sorry I used the quilt your mother gave us to clean my old bowling trophies, but you bounced a check last month and didn’t tell me about it…” We’ve all heard confessions like these, many of us have attempted them as well. This sort of confession isn’t really a confession at all. It’s a justification. You hope that by comparing what you have done to something they have done, they will be more likely to forgive you. I’m not sure why we would think that bringing up someone’s past would make them more forgiving. Confession is about you, don’t make it about other people. Forgiveness isn’t about fairness. Convincing someone that they aren’t so great either isn’t a healthy way to engage confession.

Confession is difficult, but if handled well, it can be the first step to change and growth.  Confessing doesn’t guarantee that people will forgive you, but it does help you begin the process of moving forward. Remember the tips below and you can get a fresh start in your personal growth. 

The Charleston Shootings And The Unstoppable Power Of Character

Is it fair to say that more and more people today use tragedies as a platform to present their own thoughts and opinions? Fair or not, it's true. Following the tragic shooting in Charleston, SC, social media was packed with words of encouragement, words of hate, and everything in between. After our carefully worded posts cycled through and our emotions cooled, we moved on. The families of those lost, however, remained in the dark mists of their grief. Thousands of voices and sensationalist news reports almost obscured the real story. Many of the families forgave the murderer.

They forgave him.

That sort of courage and character is overwhelmingly beautiful, especially in a world that seems to increasingly lack both courage and character. How did they do it? Maybe even more importantly, how can we do it? How can we manifest such character in our own times of crisis? How can we offer hope and forgiveness rather than empty opinion and posturing?

How did the family members of those killed in Charleston forgive the person who had caused them such misery? The answer it seems is that they had already been forgiving for a very long time. Forgiveness was a skill they had already developed and employed countless times before.

There's a story from the Bible about a young man named Daniel who had been taken from his home after his country had been conquered by a foreign army. The habit of the Babylonian leaders at that time was to take the best and the brightest from each nation they conquered and bring them home to make their own nation stronger. Daniel was one of those best and brightest. Daniel's life in Babylon was marked with trials and challenges. During one such challenge we read that Daniel, "went to his house where he had windows in the upper chamber open toward Jerusalem. He got down on his knees three times a day and prayed and gave thanks before his God, as he had done previously." (Daniel 6:10). Daniel acted according to what he believed most valuable even when it threatened to cost him his life. How? He was simply doing what he had already formed a habit of doing. He prayed. Families in Charleston forgave.

Truly noble actions in the face of tragedy or danger can only come as a result of deeply formed character. In the words of Aristotle, "we are what we repeatedly do". Character is a habit worked out over time. Character is what we need most. Opinions change. Our culture will continue to morph from one thing to another, but deeply rooted character will always give hope and point to something bigger and more beautiful. Those courageous families in Charleston have character. May God give us each the drive and desire to form character of our own.


Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo
Bible passage is from the English Standard Version

The Courage To Take A Closer Look

Many of us remember the story of Medusa from mythology. With snakes for hair and a face to match, she was so horrific to look at, that anyone who saw her turned to stone. (insert your own horrible date story here). The idea that something is so bad that it can’t even be acknowledged seems far-fetched, but it actually hits pretty close to home.

One of the most difficult things in life is to take an honest look at yourself. To admit all of the ugly things that you are not proud of that are lurking in your heart. Support group folks know this task as Step 4, taking a fearless moral inventory. For many of us the idea of being completely honest about how messed up we truly are seems overwhelming. We can’t bear to look at it any more than people dared to look at Medusa. But there are important reasons for taking a courageous look at your own heart:

Hiding Isn’t Healing

The mess is there whether you acknowledge it or not. You can ignore it if you want to, but it won’t go away. The bad decisions, selfishness, and arrogance inside of us will fester and grow if we ignore it. The damage that comes from not looking is worse than anything we will feel when we are honest with ourselves about it.

God Is Bigger

God’s forgiveness is bigger than your mess. Actually, it’s not even close. It’s not that my mess is small, it’s just that my God is so very big. His mercy is greater than you ever imagined. His forgiveness knows no limits. Best of all, He doesn’t want you to carry around that guilt and shame anymore.

You’re Not Alone

God is not waiting for you to clean up your mess before He shows up in your life. God wants to be a part of the cleaning-out process with you. God doesn’t want you to fix yourself (you can’t anyway). He wants to partner with you as you address one thing at a time. Piece by piece, day by day, God will heal those broken places inside of us, and leave something beautiful in its stead.

So, if you have been putting off an honest, hard look at your life, today is your chance to move in a different direction. God isn’t surprised by your failings and He won’t leave you alone with your messes. 

Shame: The Toxic Alternative To Guilt

Few things have the power to erode confidence and halt growth the way shame does. And few things destroy the credibility of leaders or of churches than the use of shame to motivate or control people. Guilt is a God-given and healthy way of thinking and feeling at times. Guilt is what we feel when we have done something wrong. Guilt alerts us when we have messed up or hurt someone. We all feel it because at some point, we have all failed. Guilt is resolved in the presence of forgiveness. When we are forgiven we are set free from the guilt we carry, and are free to move forward in our life. 

Shame is different.

Where guilt says, what I did was wrong, shame says, who I am is wrong. If you have been taught to believe that who you are is worthless and unchangeable, no amount of forgiveness will make you think otherwise. Guilt heals. Shame destroys. That’s why it is so maddening to see so many people use shame against others like some sort of religious weapon. Somewhere along the way it seems that people have come to believe that if someone is wrong, or guilty, that we are to shame them as much as possible as a remedy for their guilt. That sort of thinking is corrosive and debilitating. Shame doesn’t erase guilt or motivate different behaviors. Attacking someone’s person or identity because of their actions goes against everything that the Gospel stands for. God wants to rescue us from our broken behaviors, thoughts, and actions because of his love for us even while we remain in our brokenness. Both are guaranteed; you are broken and God loves you.

Screaming from the rooftops about what makes wrong things wrongs solves nothing. Forgiveness solves a great many things. Mercy solves a good deal as well. So, if you are feeling shame about who you are, you might be guilty of something (maybe not, I don’t know), but you can’t carry that shame around. You matter. If you are guilty of something, ask for forgiveness (and don’t forget the crucial step of forgiving yourself). In the midst of it all, know that the God of the universe knows you and loves you. Trust God on this one and walk away from the shame that is controlling you. 

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Why You Haven't Been Able To Let It Go: 3 Things You May Not Know About Forgiveness

If you were to skim the letters of the New Testament you would quickly surmise that the practice of forgiveness is at the heart of the Christian life. It’s a practice that all Christians are to engage in. Most people agree that forgiveness is a good idea. We become discouraged, however, when our attempts seem to fail and don’t bring the feelings we had hoped for. It’s not that forgiveness doesn’t work, it’s just that there were things you might not have been told about this life-giving Christian discipline. Here are three things you need to know to be able to forgive:

Forgiveness Is A Process

If someone bumps into you in a crowded mall or accidentally spills something in your home, forgiveness comes pretty easy. It can almost be instantaneous. We forgive them and it never really comes up again. Deep damage or more grievous wrongs might not be forgiven quite so easily. I’ve had several people confess to me that they feel guilty that they haven’t been able to fully forgive someone. They have tried, but the anger and hurt keeps coming back to their mind. I assure them that they likely have forgiven them, it’s just that they may need to continue forgiving them. Some damage has to be forgiven multiple times, even when the damaging act isn't repeated. Infidelity, betrayal, and damage to those we love are just a few of the things that may be so big that they have to be forgiven over and over. As you work through that sort of process you have to remember that you have forgiven, and you are forgiving. Stay with it. Ask God for endurance. You are doing the right thing, it’s just that some things have to be laid down several times before they stay down.

What Happened To You Matters

Some of us were taught that forgiving someone is when you tell them that what they did is no big deal. While some things are indeed small, others are not. You matter to God, and what happens to you matters as well. Forgiving isn’t saying that the wrong didn’t matter. It’s saying that the wrong mattered very much, but that you are choosing to lay it down and move on with your life. Forgiveness has to begin with an honest acknowledgment of wrong. It won’t always come from the person who has wronged you, but you have to be clear and honest about it with yourself. Only when the wrong is clear in your mind, can you choose to forgive it and set it aside.

Forgiving Isn’t Forgetting

We’ve all been told at some point to just forgive and forget. If you remember the hurt, we're told, then you haven’t forgiven it. But, that’s just not true. Some of the actions we forgive will ease from our memory, but not all, and that’s ok. We can’t make ourselves forget something. We can choose to not keep bringing it up or to not obsess over it, but we can’t choose to forget it. Memories of past hurts that have been forgiven bring less pain over time, but the memories may not go away completely. That's because the consequences of the damaging act may not go away completely. Forgiveness still has great power however,  and we can move on with our lives with more freedom and more peace, once we've chosen to let it go.

Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s healing and incredibly powerful. If you have something that you need to forgive, talk to God about it today. If it’s really big seek help from a counselor, minister, or close friend. It may be the best decision you have made in years.

How An Innocent Remark About Sweatpants Can Set The Social Media World On Fire (Or Why We Love To See Others Fail)

In the past, most people did their best to remain quiet when others stumbled or failed, but that’s not the case anymore. Social media allows us to have an opinion and still stay miles away from the people involved. Anybody can be brave from far away. So, social media has added courage to our pettiness. Facebook, Twitter, and the blogosphere are packed with vicious attacks on people who have messed up. The comments are angry and vindictive. Sometimes they are even cloaked in religious talk, people taking the “moral high ground”. Those posts are the hardest of all to read.

Recently a well-known actress quipped that sweatpants are the leading cause of divorce in America. This statement wasn’t made as part of a prepared statement to reporters who had asked about the disheartening rate of divorce in America. It wasn’t an attack against the sweat pant industry. It wasn’t an attack against women and their choice of clothing. It was simply a bit of humor. A quick, light-hearted comment that was meant to make you smile for a second and then move on with your day. But from the response she received you would have thought that Benedict Arnold had come back from the dead to take over America, and had brought Adolf Hitler with him. The “righteous indignation” flooded computer screens and phones until she and her husband had to publicly respond to calm to storm.

So, why do we do this? Why are we so ready to jump on  anything or anyone who seems even a bit off? Every person who attacked the sweat pants comment has said and done things 10x worse at some point. I know I have. So, why do we attack? Because we love to see people fail. It’s ugly, but it’s true. But our attacks while leveled at others, are really saying a lot about us. The core of every nasty comment posted on the internet comes from this deeply held belief:

If everybody is messed up, then my mess won't seem so big.

We know we are messed up, but if everyone else is too, then it doesn’t feel like such a big deal. So we make sure that every misstep, blunder, and outright failure is documented, highlighted, and proclaimed for the world to see. We are overjoyed when someone says the wrong thing or does something inappropriate. In fact, they just need to appear to have messed up or been accused of wrong doing and Facebook will bust at the seams with cyber outrage. This sort of action doesn’t make us feel less broken as people. We are still broken, imperfect people, but we now become angry, judgmental, broken people. So, here are three thoughts to consider to help you address your mess and keep from becoming “that” angry person on social media:

God Always Forgives You

You won’t feel better about your mess after blasting other people about theirs. If you want to deal with your failure and mess it can happen, however. God will forgive you. While the consequences of our actions won’t always go away, our guilt will. God forgives. People who know and embrace forgiveness aren’t as likely to bash others on Twitter….

People Sometimes Forgive You

If your failures have hurt others it’s important to own it and apologize. Sometimes people forgive, sometimes they don’t. You can’t control that. What you can control is being honest with yourself and whomever you have hurt. Get it off your chest, avoid excuses, and go on with your life.

You Need To Forgive You

Sometimes that last part is hard, the “go on with your life” part. Sometimes our actions or words do incredible damage and it feels like we should hang on to our guilt and beat ourselves up. Living in your guilt doesn’t help anyone. Give yourself a break. Let your past go, and oftentimes, all of that pent up anger will go with it.

God has a better plan for your mess than you do. We want to cover it up or hide it behind someone else’s mess. God wants to forgive you, and He wants you to forgive yourself. Only then, can we show others grace instead of criticism, at home, work, and on the internet.

True Guilt vs. False Guilt (And Why The Difference May Be Wrecking Your Life)

True guilt can be an incredibly healthy thing. Feelings of guilt allow me to look honestly at myself and my actions. This enables me to address what I’ve done wrong, and if needed,  I can confess and seek forgiveness. Once the guilt has been addressed, the feelings will begin to dissipate over time. Honest feelings of guilt are an incredible gift.

False guilt on the other hand is corrosive and devastating. Few things can derail your life more than false guilt. False guilt often feels exactly like real guilt. That’s what makes it so difficult to deal with. The difference is that it tends to linger regardless of what action you take. False guilt is what happens when you feel guilty even though you've done nothing wrong. Those of us with especially sensitive hearts can be ravaged by false guilt. 

True guilt is present when objectively wrong actions have occurred by your hands. In other words for it to be true guilt, it has to be wrong, and you have to be one the one who did it. If either of these are not present, then that feeling churning in your stomach is false guilt . Here’s two important questions to ask to avoid carrying around the weight false guilt.

Is what I’ve done morally wrong?

Just because someone isn’t happy with you doesn’t mean that you have done something wrong. Remember, you are not responsible for how others feel! Using the Bible as direction, I believe that lying is morally wrong, as is stealing or lust for example. It is not wrong, however, to miss someone’s call, or to not be able to read their mind and predict what they want from you. If you haven’t done something morally wrong, then it’s not true guilt that you are feeling.

Was it my responsibility/decision?

Just because something bad happens around you doesn’t mean that you have done something wrong. Remember, you are not responsible for other people’s decisions! We can impact people, influence them, and encourage them, but when all is said and done, we have no power over what decisions they will make. You can raise a child as perfectly as you are able but, they still get to decide for themselves whether or not they want to become a drug addict, go to law school, or marry their cousin. So, don’t apologize for things you have no control over!

False guilt impacts our health and well-being in countless ways. It takes courage to admit when you are wrong, but it takes just as much courage sometimes to admit that you aren’t actually the one to blame. I hope these questions will help you know how to tell the difference!

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo

Friday Finds - August 22

Kick up your feet, grab your tech tool of choice and enjoy some of the best thoughts the web has to offer:



Right Theology or Right Action

Check out this brief article by Rick McKinley on finding the balance between doctrinal truth and social action. If you don’t have both, you don't really have either. 

          Rick McKinley: The Gospel and the Kingdom

You Are Probably Already Infected!!!!!

This article goes out to all of my germophobe friends out there. Good luck sleeping tonight:

          The Dirtiest Things You Touch Everyday

No Trust, No Relationship

An excellent article by my good friend Neil McLamb on the importance of trust in our relationships. After you check out the article take a second and look around his new website!

          Neil McLamb: Being Trustworthy

Repentance Is Good But Not Easy

Any article that references The Mission, which was a great movie, deserves a look. Check out this great article by Zack Hunt from The American Jesus on the cost of repentance.

          Zack Hunt: The Cost of Repentance

Have a great weekend, and if you haven't, take a second and become a follower of this blog! I like having you around!

Photo Courtesy of Death To The Stock Photo

Friday Finds - August 8

Here's a few inspiring thoughts from talented bloggers around the web:

We all want what we want, but getting it could be easier than you thought. Allison Vesterfelt over at Storyline has an excellent piece on the art of getting what you want…

     The Easiest Way To Get Exactly What You Want

To live with courage and conviction is all anyone could hope for. Maximilian Kolbe was that and more. Follow along as author of One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp recounts his story…

     How To Get Really Living Instead of Merely Existing 

We all mess up, and most of us do it hourly. Check out Carlos Whitaker’s take about improving your skills when it comes time to say “I’m sorry”.

      Carlos Whitaker's I'm Sorry Skills

If you are looking for an intelligent and insightful piece from a very gifted pastor, take a few minutes and read why Nadia Bolz-Weber hated her pastoral care classes in seminary…

     Nadia Bolz-Weber

               Have a great weekend!!!!!

Forgiveness Wins - A Tribute to Louis Zamperini

Louis Zamperini died Wednesday at the age of 97. Zamperini competed in the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin as a distance runner. A budding star in the track community, Zamperini retired from track to serve his country during World War II. During the war,  he and his fellow soldier’s plane was shot down over the Pacific Ocean. He and one other crewmate survived for 47 days on a lifeboat before being found by the Japanese. He was then detained in a POW camp for over two years, enduring horrific physical and mental torture. After he returned home, Zamperini began having nightmares. What would later become known as post-traumatic stress disorder, was tearing his life apart. He became a Christian in 1949 after attending a crusade meeting led by Billy Graham. It was at that point that this extraordinary American made one of the most difficult decisions of his incredible life. He chose to forgive the Japanese soldiers who had tortured him. Zamperini found peace and his nightmares subsided. He travelled back to Japan later and personally forgave many of the soldiers he had encountered during the war. He was even willing to meet with the one soldier who had singled him out for severe, unrelenting torture, but Mutsuhiro Watanabe refused to meet with him. Zamperini’s life is brilliantly and beautifully presented in Laura Hillenbrand’s Unbroken. A movie by the same title is set to hit movie theatres in December of this year.

Peace is rarely attained through power. Louis Zamperini was forced to live a nightmarish existence for over 2 years during which he was dominated, insulted, and abused. Any attempt to fight back only led to heightened abuse. Yet, when given the opportunity years later to overcome, expose, and get revenge on his captors, he chose instead to forgive, and thereby found a deep and lasting peace. On the other hand, Watanabe had imprisoned and abused countless soldiers during World War II, he enjoyed limitless power in the POW camp,  but found later that his power led to nothing but shame. He spend the remainder of his life imprisoned by his past, unable to ever face those he had wronged. It takes incredible strength to forgive, but forgiveness is the weapon God has given us with which to change the world. Forgiveness changes everything.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the Zamperini family, and I thank God for a man who has shown us all that forgiveness wins. I pray for you today as well that if you have been wronged, you will be able to lay down your hurt and pick up forgiveness in its place. You deserve the peace that it brings!

Letting It Go And Laying It Down

I’ve given a couple of talks about forgiveness lately, so the topic has been on my mind a lot, how hard it is to do and how great it is to finally let something go and be free. Money will never change the world, neither will power. Forgiveness, on the other hand, opens doors that money and power will never touch. I stumbled upon David Crowder’s new album Neon Steeple today and have been listening and re-listening to the track Come As You Are. “Lay down your burdens, lay down your shame….earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t heal…”  It’s hitting home, click on the link below and give it a listen!..... And remember, every ounce of our past that we can let go of makes our present more peaceful and our future more bright!

Crowder: Come As You Are