Life Without Trust: How Your Fear of Trusting May Be Costing Your More Than You Realize

I’ve come to the realization that I am not an overly trusting person. I’ve only recently come to this realization and to test it, I decided to make a list of the people/things I distrust immediately. Here’s what I have so far:

I don’t trust…

            Coffee that comes in a vacuum sealed bag

               

People who say, “I know exactly what you are feeling…”

               

Warranties of any kind

               

TV News Shows

               

Anyone who says, “I believe in this product, this is not a pyramid scheme…”

Anyone who introduces me to someone who says, “I believe in this product, this is not a pyramid scheme…”

Anything from Taco Bell

People who show me the air filter from my car every time I get the oil changed

Anyone whose first name is a city (Never play pool against someone named Memphis Jones)

People who never make eye contact

People who make too much eye contact

Long car rides with people who do trust Taco Bell

Trust is a fragile thing. Once it’s been broken by someone or something, it takes a great deal of courage to trust again. On top of that, we live in a world that seems to be less trustworthy than ever before. TV is filled with ads promising things that their products can never deliver. Job loyalty seems almost non-existent. Many employers appear to be out only for themselves. Employees will jump from job to job chasing the next big thing. As a culture, our lack of trust has left us terrified of commitment. People are abandoning marriages in favor of living together. Many people prefer online friendships over real-life interactions.

This is not to say that we should blindly trust others. Choosing not to trust isn’t always a bad thing. Trusting someone or something that’s unreliable can be costly. You could lose money, waste time, or even have your heart broken. But there is a place for trust. In fact, trust is necessary for a full and enjoyable life. To put it plainly:

Relationships are impossible without trust, and life is meaningless without relationships.

Are you struggling to trust others? Do you not trust yourself and the decisions you make? Are your relationships suffering as a result? If so, choose today to give trust another try. It’s scary but it’s worth it. If you are not sure where to begin, check back in later this week for the second installment of this post entitled Turning Courage Into Action: How To Begin To Trust Again. 

How Stopping Can Set You Free

My to-do list this week is insane. The list seems endless, there are arrows to other items, things marked out, and things underlined. I couldn’t survive without a list to help make sense of my day. In some ways my list is healthy. It allows me to stay focused and to prioritize my activities during the day. In other ways, my list is unhealthy. It feeds a compulsion that I have been battling for a while. It’s just so easy to add one more thing to the list, to pretend that I have an infinite amount of time and unlimited resources. There’s a quote from Jim Collins incredible book, Good To Great that helps me return to sanity when I’ve let my to-do list get too long.

                “Your stop-doing list is more important that your to-do list.”

Collins advocates taking time on a consistent basis to evaluate what you are doing, and to remove things from your to-do list by creating a stop-doing list. Here are three ways that a stop-doing list can help you this week:

1)It allows you to spend more time doing the things that matter most.

 

It’s so easy to spend gobs of time doing small things, which then cause us to not have enough time to do the things that matter the most. Just because an activity is good doesn’t mean it’s good for you. We all have things that are important to us. Spending time on those things and with those people gives you greater fulfillment and helps differentiate you from everybody else. 

2)It allows you to practice your “no”.

I am convinced that the word “no” is critical to healthy work and relationships. It’s not always easy to say “no”. There are so many good opportunities and so many people that we don’t want to let down. But if you never say “no” you will never find your unique fit at work or in your relationships. You'll spend all of your time doing things that matter to everyone else. Practicing our “no” helps us be ready to fend off the pressure and turn things down when we need to. Building your stop-doing list is a great way to find the freedom that “no” offers.

3)It reminds you that life isn’t all about productivity. 

If you try to do everything, you rarely get to fully enjoy anything. An overly long to-do list is an indication that you have come to believe that productivity is life. Productivity is important, and we should all take seriously the things we hope to accomplish, but life is more than productivity. You were not placed on this planet just to get things done. You were made to love and be loved. You were made to enjoy moments of rest. Not only are you to help others, you are to allow others to help you. Finding something you can take off your schedule is a good way to break your productivity obsession. 

Take some time this week and find something to stop doing. Step off of that committee. Don’t coach this year. Don’t squeeze in another client. It’s only when we are able to stop doing things that we are free to enjoy the things we choose to do, the causes we choose to fight for, and the people we choose to love. 

How To Make Your Work Seem Less Like Work

I don’t know where the following quote originated, but I’ve heard it in several places over the years:

                If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.

The idea is that it’s much better to do work that you love. Your passion for your work will make what you do seem less like work and more meaningful and enjoyable. For many people though, this is not an option. Many of you may be reading this and thinking, “my job pays the bills, that’s all it does, and right now I can’t change jobs”.  If you are stuck in a job you don’t love, each day can become a grind. It’s easy to wake up every morning with a feeling of dread about the day ahead. It becomes an almost unbearable weight to live under.  There are ways, however, to make your work seem less like work. Whether you love your job, or you are spending hours each night sending resumes across the country, these thoughts can improve your time at work:

Embrace the relational part of your work.

For work to be meaningful, it has to include a relational component. Odds are that your work for someone or that someone works for you. You may be part of a team that has to work together.  Find ways to encourage those around you. Take time to get to know them if you can.  It’s not always possible to get super close to the people at your work, but finding ways to enjoy the people around you can go a long way toward improving your work environment.

Special note to stay at home moms: this one can be a challenge for you. Your children will not meet your needs for relationship. So, embracing the relational part of your work may mean connecting with other moms in your community.  Children are takers by nature (it’s not malicious, it’s just what 3 year-olds do). They take time, attention, and energy. They are wonderful, but you need other relationships to stay healthy. So, find some other moms, schedule a play date, or call them on the phone. Many single moms feel very alone, and that can make your workday very difficult.

Embrace Your Measurables

Few things can be more frustrating and disheartening than feeling like what you do doesn’t make a difference. If you work with a group of people it’s possible to do an excellent job yourself, and still have the project fail. Or, you can put in tons of quality hours and not be able to see any impact for your effort.  If this is the case you have to find your measurables. Take time and establish some clarity about what you do. Set some clear daily goals for yourself. It may be 10 sales calls, 45 minutes of homework, or getting the dishes cleaned during naptime. Whatever it is, be clear and realistic about what you want to achieve and give yourself some credit when you get it done. Odds are you are getting a lot done, you just aren’t recognizing it!

Embrace God’s Approval

God has created you to find some satisfaction and fulfillment in work. Whether you mow yards, do homework, or raise children, God is pleased with your effort to take care of your part of the world. God is with you and not silently judging you from millions of miles away. Remember to pray about your day. What you do matters to God and more importantly, you matter to God.

I hope your work this week is satisfying and enjoyable, if not, I hope you’ll be able to take some of these steps to make your work seem less like work!

Photo Courtesy of Death To Stock Photo