Getting There

Posted by Michael

I guess I’ve always lived with a “getting there” mentality. I’ve worked hard with the thought that this is sure going to pay off when I “get there”. I’m not sure when this started or for that matter where or what exactly, “there” is. In some ways, “there” exists in my mind as a set of external circumstances. There would be a cast of characters. Family members who are always content with my efforts, as I seamlessly meet all of their needs before they were even able to say them out loud. I would have friends to go on adventures with. We would spend months hopping trains in the pacific northwest. Off course, there  be a love interest, who had only always loved me, and who made only the most crispy and delicious waffles. In truth, I’m not sure how much thought I had given to what those circumstances would really be like, only that I would know it when I got there. As silly as it sounds the simple thought finally occurred to me: I’m there now. Everything doesn’t work smoothly. There are heartbreaks, discouragement, and more broken pieces lying around than I care to count, but I’m surrounded by great people (whether I relate to them well or not). I’m not changing the world or hopping trains. (For some inexplicable reason the latter dream is harder to let go of). For better or worse, with whatever I have or lack, this is there. I habitually allow my yesterdays and my tomorrows steal my today. If I’m not careful, wallowing in that regret even now steals precious moments of life. So, in my continuing quest to grow more sane, my goals for today are as follows:

                     -walk more slowly

                     -actually taste my food

                     -stop and listen to what the world sounds like without music, tv, 

                          or podcasts blaring

                     -take a couple of deep breaths now and then just to remind

                          myself that I am here

Any feedback from those of you relinquishing the dream of train hopping would be greatly appreciated….